Signs Your Cat May Be an Idiot

• He chases his own tail.
• He chases his own tail while sitting down.
• He jumps on your file cabinet, on which your printer precariously rests, and you are thereby forced to pick him up and throw him on the couch lest the printer fall over.  Two minutes later, he jumps there again.  Repeat.
• He eats onion skin.
• He eats rubber bands.
• He eats the crunchy plastic wrappers from around the tops of pints of Ben & Jerry’s (he will literally dig these out of the garbage no matter how deeply you have buried them).
• He eats all other non-organic matter off of the floor.
• He eats your long hair.
• He eats your long hair, then poops it out, but the hair is longer than the poop, so ultimately he wanders around the house with a piece of hair hanging out of his butt, with poop on the end of it, like a flail, until someone notices, corners him, and pulls the hair out.
• He drinks out of the bathroom sink even though he has an electronic cat fountain with a filter.
• His method for drinking out of the bathroom sink is to put his head under the water, then lick the water off of his face as it drips down, resulting in the entire top if his head being wet (this is not a construction flaw with the sink, as the other cat is able to drink and stay dry just fine).
• His method for opening doors is to slam his body repeatedly into the door until the faulty latch releases, or one of the humans gets so annoyed with the noise that he or she opens the door anyway.
• He resists letting the other cat lick out his ears, even though he is obviously incapable of cleaning that area of himself anyway.
• He meows back when you meow at him.
• He meows back when you bark at him.
• He climbs onto your shoulders like a parrot.
• He bites the wall.
• He is approximately as intelligent as videogame ‘companion’ A.I.
• He drools.